In the past I’ve been hurt, bullied, violated. For this decade we are living in I’m trying to reflect and I’m trying to heal from my traumas to move forward in my life. Throughout this journey of healing I had learn a few things that might help others who are going through the same situation as me. Here are the the five hard truths that I learn about healing:
Healing takes time:
Healing is something that takes time. When I was younger, I always thought all my problems would be like problem in a TV show; solved with in a 30-minute time frame. However, Life doesn’t work that way. Healing takes years and learning how to cope with the pain takes time.
Healing does not come with an apology:
I have been violated in the past. I have been cyber-bullied. I have had things said about me that wasn’t true and has never been apart of my character. For the longest time, I’ve been going back fourth on how these people had done me so wrong and how they easily got a way with it while I’m still struggling to cope. Maybe I should’ve confronted them, tell them what they did and how it had impacted my life. Maybe they were going to see the pain and apologized for what they did. Truth is, people in general never apologize for the wrongs they did to other people. People typically find reasons as to why we mistreat others. Some may even lie just to justify the mistreatment toward other people. As time goes on, don’t look for an apology you may never get one.
Don’t look for divine revenge:
One mistake we make in our journey is that we think divine revenge or justice will happen to those who mistreated us, abused us, or violated us. When I found out that one of my abusers works a CIO job that pays him 50k annually. I was hurt it had been 7 years since I had last seen him and thought he his life was going to go down hill. When I found out that another one of my abusers had started their own family, I was still hurt. Hurt that maybe if I had spoken up sooner maybe their lives wouldn’t be so sweet now. Hurt that I was still suffering while they could lead normal and successful lives. Now Karma is real, what goes around does come right back around. However, healing goes without some divine intervention of revenge. However, this does not mean you can’t take revenge. My revenge was getting my bachelors because it showed, whatever they tried to do, did not work. You have to take power into your own hands at times.
Seeing those those that did you wrong lead terrible lives won’t make you feel better:
I’m doing better than the girl that bullied me when I was younger. I’m a college graduate, I travelled outside the country. I’m finally checking off things on my bucket list. The girl who bullied me is a single mother with a bum for a baby-daddy she lives off government assistance and still lives with her father in section 8 housing. The boy who also bullied me, was a star student. An athlete, and a honor student, in the top 15% of his graduating class. He even got a state scholarship to attend college for free. I never knew that karma was real until checking up on him. Today he’s 31 and working as a waiter in a restaurant. You’d think he’d go farther given his stats but didn’t. Especially since he had more opportunity than me. Although writing this part made me feel a little better, overall I still don’t feel any different. I have to learn how to move on in life. Or else you’ll always be stuck and never go far in life.
You can never return to who you were:
One thing that people often don’t realize about healing is that you can never be yourself again. You do not have time machine to fix what has already been done. You can’t go back before the rape. You can’t go back before the bullying. You can’t go back before the abuse. You can still be you, but you must understand, you’re different now. You can still laugh and make good memories and maybe trust again but it will never be the same. You have to learn how to live in the present, you have to let go of the person you were before the trauma. Because that will always be apart of you. You just have to learn how to live with it. Soon, you’ll be able to conquer it.
Side note: don’t drink away the pain, don’t snort away the pain, don’t smoke away the pain. All of this is only creating more problems while not facing the problem head on. Learn to deal with the pain. Speak with others on the pain. That pain a trauma will always be apart of you but if you let it negatively effect you it will always consume.
Once you learn these hard truths, you will prosper. You’ll laugh, you’ll smile, you’ll go on adventures. You can never go back to who you were before the trauma, however you can heal and become a stronger person.